Last week was a very difficult week. I could not shake a funk that I was in. I just felt like it was baby peaks and extreme valleys. I battled all week to just be ok with how everything was going. I am not 100% certain if I was overwhelmed with everyday life, feeling beaten down, or tired. I really did not know.
It was almost impossible for me to even step back and celebrate small victories. It was hard for me to be content with the simple truth that I was blessed beyond measure. It just seemed like everything was stuck in neutral or reverse. And sadly…it was everyone else’s fault.
Or maybe that is where my mind wanted to go. Maybe that is what I wanted to believe. I wanted to tell myself that no one really cares about how their actions affect you or hurt you. But that CONVICTED me…
What am I doing, or not doing that might be hurting someone else? How are my actions affecting those people that mean the most to me. Maybe, just maybe, I feel that everyone has a problem with me because I simply am acting like I have no care about them. Am I not respecting what they want or need?
I ended up waking up extremely early for me on a Friday and just sitting in stillness. I read, I prayed and I was convicted. It was hard to look into your own heart and say, that these things need to change within you. It is hard to say, these things hurt, but what can you really do about it? It is hard when you truly have to accept people for who they are and not for who you want them to be in your life.
I was convinced and convicted that I cannot change anyone and more importantly, I should not want to. They are who they are and that can hurt at times. People have been raised in different situations and different behaviors have been accepted as good and other behaviors as bad. I am not here to redefine good and bad based on what I want or what I expect. That is foolish of me.
I was convicted that the only person that I can control is me. I must look and see what I can control and what I am doing that might be hurting someone else’s walk with Christ. If I am to call my self a Christian, then I am a part of this thing we call the Church or Body. It is hard to be honest with ourselves in this day and age.
Culture as a whole has shifted to the “it’s someone else’s fault” model or the “if you don’t like what I do, that’s your problem” not mine. It is always a way to shift and divert attention from ourselves. We end up finding more and more ways to remain in the dark about how to truly grow in Christ. He will convict you of the things that you need to let go of and change. You will know He is speaking to you.
The question is, how will you respond? How will you answer His call? What are you willing to change for the betterment of His Kingdom?
Unconditional Chaos 