****This is probably more rambling than anything****
Recently, I put up a little question on Facebook and a few people responded to it. It was a simple question with a challenging premise, in my mind.
Which is easier…forgiveness or repentance?
The response was a mix of one or the other, but the majority made it clear that it was a hard decision to make and neither one of them at the core is easy.
The question arose, I took stock of my life and looked at the world around me. I wanted to take a minute and see what my weaknesses are and the things that I need to be better at. I also thought about the simple truth that if I had to make the commands of Christ as simple as possible…what would they be?
I came up with the following short, sweet, probably too basic for many list:
- Love The Lord with all your heart
- Forgive Others
And there we go. The hardest part is that doing items two and three are a subset of item one. That is to say that in order to love the Lord as he desires us to love him, we must learn to forgive others as well as admit our mistakes.
But the more I spent in prayer on this topic or trying to work through it…I discovered that for me, I am really asking a variation of the question…
Is it easier to forgive other or to forgive myself? Is it easier to let go of the hurt that someone else inflicted on me or is it easier to admit that I made a mistake…that I was wrong? Because I can tell myself a million times that I forgive the person who wronged me, but I know whether or not I have truly repented and forgiven myself.
The long and short of it is (for me), that since we ate the fruit in the garden, we lost the ability to forgive ourselves. We have this knowledge of what is right and wrong. We have the ability to hold onto that desire to be right at all costs, even when we know we were wrong. We justify…”the devil made me do it”. We have pride. And that pride keeps us from being able to be wrong and be okay with it.
Pride keeps us from being able to forgive ourselves. Pride inhibits us from kneeling before the cross and acknowledging that Christ has indeed forgiven us our sins.
So for me, I better start working on repenting and letting go of the very thing that keeps me from admitting I was wrong.